to breathe and set free

i hope I'm not holding you back to spare myself pain

i hope my selfishness does not permeate your brain

i hope you mean what you say — that you love and wish to stay

i hope the can is not being kicked down the road but rather picked up, dusted off, and cared for

oh, how fickle our hearts and, even worse, our desire

oh, how foolish and naive was I to contend that I would be any different than any of the girls I promised I’d never be

begging, wanting, wishing, and perhaps worst of all telling

i didn’t know it would feel like this; I didn’t know the fire in my heart would spread and burn from the inside out — stripping me of my pride

my chest cavity is filled with ashes, and I must grieve the death of the girl i thought I'd be

bones and structure are no longer where they ought to be — now there’s cartilage and the remnant of those memories

i only know what i’ve lived and admittedly that’s not much

i know about the mythic “mistakes in my 20’s” and i dear i hope this is not one of them